My wish is that all three of my boys would be home for Christmas but that ain't happening!  Jesse has to work and Derek has a new girlfriend he is concentrating on.  Zachary, Jessica & the baby are still planning on making it so now I'm concentrating on that - to spend Jimmy's first Christmas with him.  What a blessing! 

I also wish and hope and pray that Amanda & Ryan's ex-Mom will stay quiet this month and let them enjoy their Christmas.  Last year, when she didn't call, write, send presents, see them, I think that they were terribly hurt (at least Amanda was) but this year, I believe that continued "quiet" will be beneficial to them.  (???I think???)  Okay, I wish for whatever is best for Ryan and Amanda. 

I also wish I could go home.  My Mom throws a huge Christmas Eve bash and if I'm not there, I feel sad on Christmas Eve.  I call and talk to everyone but it's just not the same.  Oh, well, maybe next year.

Oh, and Brad gets to be home this year!  How could I forget?  We spent our first five Christmas's with him working up on the slope.  I love it when's he's home.

Dear Santa,

I want an awful lot for Christmas.  I want everyone I love to feel loved and joyful.  I want everyone I don't think I love so much to feel loved and joyful.  Thank you.

Love, Michelle

Karma sounds nice, like carmel (yummy).  Let's just say that I believe in it enough to not steal or cheat, and enough to try to always be kind and loving (of course I fall short sometimes).  I also believe in it enough that when my revenge-seeking button is pushed I can stop myself from seeking and comfort myself with the old adage "what comes around goes around".

Grandbabies & being calmer.  I watch my 13 yr old daughter's dramas play out with her friends and am SO grateful that I never have to be 13 again. 

My first husband was adverse to owning a home so I raised my three boys in rentals.  Never knowing when your lease might fail to be renewed felt like living on the edge.  I don't think a day passes that I am not thankful for owning my own house (okay, so the bank owns it, but you know what I mean).  The house itself is just a thing and I can make any place home but knowing that my step kids can make all the noise they want, that my dogs are welcome, that is the blessing here. 

Trusting people.  Jim used to tell me I was too nice, that people misunderstood.  He was talking about men and that was often true.  I do the same with women, though.  Ms. Open Book.  I've been hurt so many times that you might think I would learn but I don't.  Somehow, that's okay for me.  I would rather get hurt and think of myself as a naive dumb ass than to miss out on those moments of connecting.

The lay-offs continue even as I smile at the gas pump (love these new gas prices!  it's like a clearance sale every time I go to the pump, even though it's really just back to normal).  My son, Zach, finally had a decent job, was out on his own with his girl and his new baby (my Jimmy!), everything was looking good for this young man and his new family.  Now he's laid off.  And heading home.  With his family in tow. 

I'm so thrilled that I am going to have my grandson right in my own home.  I'm thrilled freaking silly!  But....but...geesh.  I never did that.  I wouldn't have thought of moving "home".  Of course, wouldn't it have been nice to know that I did have a safety net?  Would I have used it?  Dunno.  There are no jobs here.  Menial labor, maybe, or jobs that pay $6.00 hour.  What's going to happen?  Okay, who cares?  I'm going to have my grandson every day for awhile.  Next thing you know, I'll be blogging and crying because they are moving out, leaving, and I don't want them to! 

Amanda had an orthodontist appointment yesterday and then we did a little Christmas shopping.  It was nice to spend the afternoon with her.  We ended at Wal-Mart because we needed to get dog food and I almost, literally, ran into her mother, Robin.  My adrenaline kicked in, fight or flight response.  I actually get a racing, booming heart and the shakes when I see her.  Isn't that ridiculous?  Amanda put herself right in her mother's path, repeatedly.  No response.  We ended up in line at the cash register beside her and it was excrutiating.  She dwaddled, prolonging the agony, her face tense, rigid, eyes averted, never said a word to Amanda.  I watched Amanda's face turn bright red, then pale, then back to red, then pale.  I wanted to do something, but what?  Should I say "stop it you two!"  "hug each other!"  "say something!".  Or should I tackle the woman and beat some sense into her?  That's the problem.  I flip flop between pity and outright disgust. 

I think Amanda said "I love you, Mama" a thousand times lastnight.  I love her too.

heat in my basement

I don't think there is anything difficult about love, although a persons reaction to love can be problematic.  Reactions/feelings to avoid whenever possible:  anxious, covetous, demanding, doubting, grasping, guarded, intolerant, possessory, monopolizing.

Which do you want?

fridays five or something like that I was tagged by Jenni

1) What gift(s) would you like to give the world?
everyone gets enough of everything they need

2) What is the most unusual gift you have received?
 this isn't the place to write about it

3) What do you like best about gift giving?
Watching eyes light up when I've given something they really like

4) What gifts do you want for the holidays?
a new camera & jammies (I love my jammies!)

             5) When has a gift(s) made you feel warm and fuzzy inside?
I always really love the gifts that my Mom gives, something about the way she wraps everything up so pretty, even if it's just a little something it feels special

I am obviously going to be one of those ridiculously doting Grandmothers.  Up until three days ago I watched the video I took of Jimmy cooing and smiling on my cell phone and it never stopped thrilling me.  Now he's here and when I look into his little face it takes my breath away.  I see all three of my boys faces in his, as well as his Mommy's.  When he smiles he looks just like his Daddy did at that age.  His ears stick out at the top just the tiniest bit just like Jesse's.  His forehead wrinkles up when he is concentrating just like Derek's did.  It's like having all three of my babies back in my arms at once.  <sigh of contentment>

I haven't had a full nights sleep for two nights or is it three?  I'm losing track.  Son traveling home from Alaska to Florida and stuck in airports since....Friday night?  He finally made it to Seattle yesterday, was up all night with the agents saying "This flight WILL leave" - canceled @ 5:30 a.m. -no rental cars, no hotels etc.  He's beat, he's despondent, and so am I.  I decided I was going to go get him.  Then I looked out of my window and saw that the snow here is up over my deck!  And it's still snowing.  Still.  Going to go save my baby.  Trying to figure out the roads, some sites say there are roads that are closed because of heavy snow, avalanche danger etc. and others say it's just bad driving so I can't figure out if I should try it or not.  I'm pulling my hair out. 

I asked my Mom yesterday "when do you stop worrying"  and she said "never, it just gets worse because they get married, have kids, and then there are more people to worry about."  Ackkkkkkkkkkkk! 

I know that I'm not being very enlightened.  I'm trying to control something that is beyond my control (and so is he!  I can't get him to relax and go with it!) . . . wonder where he got that tendency from?

Brad is supposed to come home tomorrow.  Maybe they'll meet up and be stuck in Seattle airport together - ha ha.  Oh, that's not funny, is it? 

On the upside, I sure am enjoying this baby (my Jimmy) being here.  There really are perks to being the Grandma.  I can hand him to his Mom or Dad when he is fussy or poopy.  Not that he gets fussy very often - what a good baby!  He's so cute.  I'm so smitten (still!)(and always and forevermore). 

If you're reading this and get a minute - would you mind saying a little prayer for my stuck-in-Seattle-son, Derek, that he can chill, be safe, and maybe even get home to Florida or here to me before Christmas.  Just somewhere that isn't an airport?

Loving Each of You even though I feel very Bah-Hum-Buggish

My daughter-in-law decided she liked my pink fuzzy "boot" slippers and I don't think she's taken them off since she got here.  So, I guess I am "sharing" them!  She even went to her Mom's for the weekend and took them with her!

The obvious things lift my spirits - family.  When Brad comes home, when I am blessed enough to see my son's faces, Jimmy's laugh.  After that - my biggest thrill!? - this is so dumb - I get extremely excited when I go to the library. I fill a huge bag full of books and I can hardly wait to get home and crack them open!  The smell of books, the hush of the library, the excitement of finding a book I have been looking for or just one that catches my fancy - I'm like a kid in a candy store! 

I grinned widely this morning when I read a line of Ramsses's latest "hotter stars" entry at D.D.~