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gratitude
June 2009 
About Zoe' and Gratitude
Posted on Feb 27th, 2008
by 
ayla
ayla
Zoe Smiling
In "real" life, grief over the loss of a pet is often dismissed lightly by many (at least in my experience). Thus, my great surprise and tearful gratitude at finding so many warm, heart-felt messages for Zoe' and for my family and I all over Gaia. I am stunned and I am so filled with love and thankfulness for each and everyone of you. I have heard from people that I don't even know and most of my closest friends here have also gathered round to offer comfort and prayers. I'm also still deeply sorrowful and grieving and so beg your forgiveness if my thoughts are not very coherant this morning.
I found Zoe' in the yard bleeding and panting Monday, late afternoon. We have a very large, very fenced in backyard but she was an escape artist. Zoe Zoe loved to run. The kids and I went into immediate hysterics and it was quite an ordeal to get her lifted into the back of our FJ Cruiser because she is heavy. It was after-hours for the small town vet so I had to assist him during surgery. It was pretty gruesome but after he got her spleen out and the major hemmoraging seemed to be controlled, I felt hopeful. Then came the long process of repairing terrible damage to her small intestine and then the huge exit hole that a bullet shot from a rifle left. When the vet stopped sewing and closed her up, I kind of had the feeling that he had given up but she was still alive and for some reason I was just sure she was going to survive. It was a long night with crying children but I was back at the vet's first thing Tuesday morning with her blankets, planning to spend the day on a kennel floor with her, loving her back to health. Sadly, she had left us. I feel so guilty. I would have brought her home to die if I knew that she was going to go. She should have been at home, in my arms.
About her being shot. We have a fella down the road that everyone around here says shoots dogs. Zoe had been shot with buckshot once before (and was extremely gun shy!). Mandi's boxer, Ayla, was poisoned and died several years ago. It seems it's dangerous to be a dog in these parts. I went to the guy's house down the road and asked him if he had shot my Zoe'. He has several rotting corpses of something at the back of his property, which joins ours (I didn't look but Ryan had been complaining about it) and as you know, rotting meat will atttract dogs. Zoe wasn't a killer but she did have dog instincts for eating meat. He denied it and then asked his wife if she shot any dogs. I stood there, shaking. They were elderly. I was thinking, what, your wife shoots dogs too? She said no. I have a feeling they would have told me but really who knows. People around here shoot dogs because they have cattle or other livestock to protect or just because they feel like it. There is also the possiblity that someone may have thought she was a coyote. They are considered pests and are shot routinely. I'll never know and honestly I guess it doesn't matter. What's done is done and I think I can forgive an anonymous shooter easier than if I had a face to put it to. I am working on forgiving the shooter but it is difficult when Ryan can't sleep in his own bed because he can't face it without Zoe. She was his sleep-mate. Poor Ry. His sobbing is endless and heartbreaking.
I feel so blessed with the outpouring of love that this community has showered upon me. Zoe' was such a good girl and she deserves all of this attention. When we are sad our hearts open wide with vulnerability. How wonderful it is to have my wide-open heart filled with such love. I love each of you. Ayla
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Ayla, what a beautiful tribute to the life of Zoe… she was a beautiful family pet and companion. I am sorry that this has happened to her and to your family. Pets make our lives richer. It is never easy to say goodbye to them, and it is even more difficult when they are taken from us before their time. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers.
Lots of hugs!
-Susan
my dearest warmly word to your heart and all in the family .your nlog let me shive ,, we just lost our labradoodle bobby in oct 2007 .. by an accident we all were shocked and the kisd mad a big teaching ..beautiful dog .. put lots of good things into heaven … thinking at you
Ayla,
I am crying all over again, but am at work this time so need to regain my composure. Your loss is deeply felt by many here as you can now see from the outpouring of support and love…
I am glad that your friends are rallying around and being there for you and your family now. My heart aches for you and especailly your son Ryan after learning how Zoe was his sleep-mate.
Thanks for sharing with us what happened. You were incredibly courageous to approach the neighbors like that. And to already work on forgiveness shows how evolved and open your heart is. Wow.
As for Zoe not being at home to die, I feel your remorse. Births and deaths are rarely as we would like them to be. If you dont mind an unsolicited suggection, maybe you can try to focus on radical acceptance of the moments of Zoe's departure. I imagine that Zoe died peacefully, under sedation, and that you were there before she closed her eyes to this world. She takes your love with her and is visiting…The other dogs will see her more easily and feel her presence.
If you want a phone number to an excellent animal communicator, I'd be happy to share our wonderful animal psychic, if you will, with you. She does sessions by phone and has helped us out so much. She tunes right into the animal, be they in their earthly body or transitioning or transitioned. She is no quack and had helped us in our time of need. Just a resource as an offerign of support, should you decide to try this avenue.
Sending you so much compassion,
Mary
Ayla, I was so sorry and saddened this morning when I read that Zoe has not made it. what a beauty she was. I know what you mean when you say “the loss of a pet is often dismissed lightly by many”.
when one of Hannah's new hamsters died after two month last summer I was completely taken by surprise by the depth of her grief. I learned from her what I had forgotten since I had pets myself - when we take another being into our hearts, the loss of this dear companion hits us hard, no matter what.
sending more love and light to you all.
Gabriele
Hi Ayla.. I love german shepherds and Zoe looks like she was a particularly beautiful girl …
anyone who has lost a pet knows how hard it is .. they are a member of your family ..
I was even distraught when my pet bird died … I rushed him to the bird vet but he died in the vets hands .. i was distraught …
and when Daisy our dalmation died two years ago .. she was 15 but I was comforted by the fact that she had had a full life ..
it is especially hard when a member of your animal family is killed for no reason - by someone who obviously has no respect for life…especially when it is deliberate.
it has really upset me reading about Zoe .. and i so want to live in a world where random pointless acts of violence do not occur ..
I am so so sorry. There are no words really. Just so sorry.
dearest Ayla. What wonderful pictures. She was such a gorgeous dog. Little cricket must be sad. I feel so bad for Ryan. Poly sends his love, jenni
sending love and light!
Please accept my shoulder to cry on and arm to encircle you with love. I think of several wonderful dogs with whom I have shared my life over the years and miss each of them. The last was Boone, a 200#+ Rottweiler who was funny and gentle and a wonderful 4-legged person. I look for him still.
Dear Ayla,
Thank you for letting us be a part of Zoe's life on this planet. These pictures are a wonderful tribute to this lovely member of your family. Thank you for sharing the impact she made on you and your family. Her spirit will live on in all of you.
Look for her in dreams as I think she will visit all of you often.
Warmly,
Jennifer
Ayla, thank you for sharing this tribute with us, your friends here at GAIA. I'm like you, broken but wide open and really feeling the love in the midst of such intense grief. ZOE is such a beautiful girl, and fun too. Just look at those glasses on the sofa … what a ham! You love is just pouring out of you and I want to tell you how wonderful and beautiful you are, and how important you are in this world. I can only imagine that your family exudes this love too. I'm blessed to be your friend, right here, right now. Thanks you sweet one. You'll always have a huge place in my heart. I really love the picture of ZOE hauling ass and Cricket right behind her. Sweet.
Ayla, thank you for sharing Zoe with us here. I find myself struggling with all this myself and am grieving with you. My current petmate is an escape artist herself and also loves to run. My dear Bud, who is with Zoe now, loved to run and was the same size as Zoe. He had a beautiful gait and I loved to run with him.
Mary, thank you for this information on a pet psychic. What a great idea!
hugs,
Sprite
My heart aches deeply for your profound loss…
With greatest compassion,
Michele
Sprite, come to think of it, i did pray and ask Sparkey to go and greet Zoe amd show her 'round. we learned from our animal psychic & my father-in-law how Sparks is evolving to help other beings in their transitions and he showed up for my father-in-law during his dying process. so, i dnt doubt he's right on the mission of greeting Zoe, such a babe says sparkey, no problemo!
Hannah is greeting Zoe 2..
My heart goes out to you and your beloved family ..
with heart felt compassion and love, I bow
tess
Ayla, I don't know what I can add other than my voice to chorus. I've spent much of my life in rural Rocky Mountains and I know the culture intimately – shooting dogs to protect livestock or just for kicks. Most of it is just senseless and crazy-making for those of us that sense our kinship with animals. I grieve for your loss.
Jim
I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. I send you love, peace and infinite blessings. Namaste.
Ayla, your strength amazes me! As I read your blog, I just couldn't believe it that you went to the man's house and asked him whether he did this. Your heart is so beautiful! …and I couldn't believe the part about him asking his wife if she did it. Wow! Oh, I wish I could hug your little boy who is figuring out how to deal with this loss, and how to sleep in his bed alone. I don't know why I get tears for this pretty dog I haven't met, and this whole situation, but it DOES touch something very deep in me, and in all of us. We've been talking about how this sadness opens our hearts. It's true.
Ayla, Zoe is so beautiful - the pictures tell her story so perfectly. This is a magnificent tribute to a wonderful friend. I feel so much for Ryan. I guess time will be the healer, at least I hope. In my family, the loss of a pet is the loss of a family member. However, the way that this happened is impossible for me to take lightly. I thought about it all day long, and I tried to be a bit kinder to everyone I encountered, because I just felt a world that can do this to an innocent dog doesn't need one more ounce of ugliness in it. I still just can't find the words…
Zoe look so happy in these pictures, it's the best thing you can give your family is happiness, and that dog was one happy family member, you did her proud, well done and thank-you. All our love to you.
Ayla,
My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing a bit of Zoe with us. I'm sure she brought a lot of unconditional love to you all.