Dog Days
Posted on Jun 29th, 2008
by 
ayla
ayla
This was an assignment from Diving Deeper. The assignment was to write whatever came up, using the word "Popular".
POPULAR/Dog Days
It's ridiculous. I abhor being in last place when it comes to the affections of others. Talk about being the lowest rank in the hierarchy. It is amazing to think back on the way I came into this house with such high expectations. I was cuddled and kissed all the way home, and even though it was raining cats and dogs outside, it seemed like such a beautiful start to a beautiful day, a beautiful new life! I was greeted at the door of my new home the minute I walked through the door, greeted by the others I would be sharing a home with. The others consisted of a most disturbing group, a group that met me in a most derisory manner. What a racket! I'm telling you, it was pure chaos! It was enough to give me a hang-dog attitude.
Sable the Fabled bared her teeth at me. Max was right behind her, barreling right over the top of me. Stuck his nose right up my ass, too. Talk about rude. Then there was theyapper , yapping away at a decibel high enough to melt my eardrums. I cried for my Mother, I'll tell you, and I cried hard. I didn't have a dog's chance.
Dinner time around here is another trial, believe you me. I have to wait last in line, even if I'm half-starved. I foolishly tried to push my way in front of Sable once and she actually bit me with those yellow-canines of hers. The old bitch. Next in line is theyapper , and then Max. That's the hierarchy around here, and I just don't see it ever changing. Doggone it. Anyway, I get the left-overs and they are pretty unappetizing after Max is finished mauling them. He drools and coats every crunchy morsel so thoroughly that I'm left with mush. Another thing about Max, he has a humping problem. Well, they all do to tell the truth, but Max is the worst and most persistent with it. One minute I'm minding my own business and the next the galoot has climbed on me and just starts pumping away. The kids in this house seem to get a huge kick out of it. They laugh and giggle and call out "Ooooh, look, Max is humping the puppy!" The alpha-people tell the kids that it's just a dominance thing, as if that makes it all okay. The humiliation!
Speaking of dominance, there is one animal in this house that doesn't have a dog's chance against me. Boots, the cat, oozes fear when I'm around. I sniffed that out right away. Of course, that led to more trouble. Those kids started right in shouting and laughing, "Oooooh, look, the puppy is humping the cat!" The alpha-lady started scolding me right away. I hate being scolded and feel so ashamed, but that wasn't enough for these people. No, the alpha-male took it upon himself to make a big fat joke out of it. The alpha-lady scolded him for what he said but the kids just screamed with laughter, at my expense. I would share his joke with you but that guy can be pretty crass. Take, for instance, the time the alpha-lady caught me licking my balls. She started right up scolding me again, as if I had done something wrong, and even made all kinds of faces as if I was the most disgusting creature on earth. The alpha-guy, though, he patted me on the head and told me not to mind her, that he'd do the same thing if he could. Said something about it saving him lots of money in child support, whatever that is. This made the alpha-lady giggle, so that wasn't so bad, although I did wonder if the joke was on me again.
I just can't seem to please anyone, dog or human. I'm doing my best to figure it all out because I really like it when the people scratch my belly and say things like, "You're so cute. Oooooh , I love your sweet face!" I love that shit. I tend to get all excited and when I get excited I do the natural thing and nip their faces, you know, just little love bites. Unfortunately, I seem to be barking up the wrong tree most of the time as I try to endear myself and show my affection. Then there is this thing they have about bodily eliminations. I mean, it happens to all of us, right? But every time I start to go about my business I have someone yelling at me and throwing me out the door. I've even had my nose rubbed in it, if you can believe that. I just can't figure it out. Another thing that has me stumped is the alpha-lady taking me outside all of the time. I would love it except that she always stands there staring at me, crooning, "Go potty, go potty, go potty." I'm not sure just what this "go potty" stuff is all about. She kind of freaks me out and I get all nervous and jittery. I once found a pile that Max had left behind and I thought about taking a piss on it but there she was, watching every move I make and I know what's going to happen if I start pissing, I'm going to be in the dog house again. She's going to start yelling at me and what if she rubs my nose in Max's crap? I mean, I don't mind sniffing it or anything but I don't exactly want it rubbed all over my face. So, for now, I just have to try to keep sneaking back behind the couch for myeliminations and hope that she doesn't find out.
It's tough stuff not knowing what to do to please this new family of mine. Tough stuff. I leave you with some words from the wise ~
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
~ Lewis Grizzard
POPULAR/Dog Days
It's ridiculous. I abhor being in last place when it comes to the affections of others. Talk about being the lowest rank in the hierarchy. It is amazing to think back on the way I came into this house with such high expectations. I was cuddled and kissed all the way home, and even though it was raining cats and dogs outside, it seemed like such a beautiful start to a beautiful day, a beautiful new life! I was greeted at the door of my new home the minute I walked through the door, greeted by the others I would be sharing a home with. The others consisted of a most disturbing group, a group that met me in a most derisory manner. What a racket! I'm telling you, it was pure chaos! It was enough to give me a hang-dog attitude.
Sable the Fabled bared her teeth at me. Max was right behind her, barreling right over the top of me. Stuck his nose right up my ass, too. Talk about rude. Then there was theyapper , yapping away at a decibel high enough to melt my eardrums. I cried for my Mother, I'll tell you, and I cried hard. I didn't have a dog's chance.
Dinner time around here is another trial, believe you me. I have to wait last in line, even if I'm half-starved. I foolishly tried to push my way in front of Sable once and she actually bit me with those yellow-canines of hers. The old bitch. Next in line is theyapper , and then Max. That's the hierarchy around here, and I just don't see it ever changing. Doggone it. Anyway, I get the left-overs and they are pretty unappetizing after Max is finished mauling them. He drools and coats every crunchy morsel so thoroughly that I'm left with mush. Another thing about Max, he has a humping problem. Well, they all do to tell the truth, but Max is the worst and most persistent with it. One minute I'm minding my own business and the next the galoot has climbed on me and just starts pumping away. The kids in this house seem to get a huge kick out of it. They laugh and giggle and call out "Ooooh, look, Max is humping the puppy!" The alpha-people tell the kids that it's just a dominance thing, as if that makes it all okay. The humiliation!
Speaking of dominance, there is one animal in this house that doesn't have a dog's chance against me. Boots, the cat, oozes fear when I'm around. I sniffed that out right away. Of course, that led to more trouble. Those kids started right in shouting and laughing, "Oooooh, look, the puppy is humping the cat!" The alpha-lady started scolding me right away. I hate being scolded and feel so ashamed, but that wasn't enough for these people. No, the alpha-male took it upon himself to make a big fat joke out of it. The alpha-lady scolded him for what he said but the kids just screamed with laughter, at my expense. I would share his joke with you but that guy can be pretty crass. Take, for instance, the time the alpha-lady caught me licking my balls. She started right up scolding me again, as if I had done something wrong, and even made all kinds of faces as if I was the most disgusting creature on earth. The alpha-guy, though, he patted me on the head and told me not to mind her, that he'd do the same thing if he could. Said something about it saving him lots of money in child support, whatever that is. This made the alpha-lady giggle, so that wasn't so bad, although I did wonder if the joke was on me again.
I just can't seem to please anyone, dog or human. I'm doing my best to figure it all out because I really like it when the people scratch my belly and say things like, "You're so cute. Oooooh , I love your sweet face!" I love that shit. I tend to get all excited and when I get excited I do the natural thing and nip their faces, you know, just little love bites. Unfortunately, I seem to be barking up the wrong tree most of the time as I try to endear myself and show my affection. Then there is this thing they have about bodily eliminations. I mean, it happens to all of us, right? But every time I start to go about my business I have someone yelling at me and throwing me out the door. I've even had my nose rubbed in it, if you can believe that. I just can't figure it out. Another thing that has me stumped is the alpha-lady taking me outside all of the time. I would love it except that she always stands there staring at me, crooning, "Go potty, go potty, go potty." I'm not sure just what this "go potty" stuff is all about. She kind of freaks me out and I get all nervous and jittery. I once found a pile that Max had left behind and I thought about taking a piss on it but there she was, watching every move I make and I know what's going to happen if I start pissing, I'm going to be in the dog house again. She's going to start yelling at me and what if she rubs my nose in Max's crap? I mean, I don't mind sniffing it or anything but I don't exactly want it rubbed all over my face. So, for now, I just have to try to keep sneaking back behind the couch for myeliminations and hope that she doesn't find out.
It's tough stuff not knowing what to do to please this new family of mine. Tough stuff. I leave you with some words from the wise ~
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
~ Lewis Grizzard
Access: Public
diving deeper
August 2008 
woof, woof, bow wow….;-)
what a fun read! I love how you see things from the 'new dog' perspective! I am assuming you got into your new pup's head to be able to do this! you are good!
OK … so I've been on DD and am lurking. Reading and enjoying mostly ((… and feeling the anxiety of actually sharing on there)) I am also in the middle of this move - crazy. So, I'll get there before you know it.