Does it count if I am still in the process of learning?  My husband had what the doctors thought was a gallbladder attack last month but all of his tests came out fine.  So I asked for a H-pylori blood test & a cholesterol screening just for good measure.  Well, he tested positive to the H-pylori bacteria (good reason for pain in the gut!) but his cholesterol reading was the worst news.   Turns out he has five risk factors for Metabolic Syndrome, six if you count smoking, and that adds up to a very high risk for heart disease.  So, I have to learn how to cook healthy.  I grew up in Michigan, meat & potatoes country (plenty of fried foods, fats, & a plethora of desserts!) and although I don't cook everything as unhealthy as my Grandmother & Mother did, I do tend to lean towards the less than healthy dietary choices.

That's going to change. So is my pantry.

Youth.  Not so much youth, in truth, I wouldn't want that back, but youthful appearance.  Perhaps that means I have the hardest time giving up Vanity.  Perhaps that wasn't the question though.  That's not giving, is it?

Hmmmm.....my quiet time.  I like my quiet, alone time and feel pissy when it's taken away.

My husband Brad's Birthday - definitely a "big" event to celebrate.  At six foot two, and 270 pounds, there is plenty of this teddy bear to love.  He was born exactly six months to the day before I was and even in the same hospital.  I'm not sure how it took me 40 years to find him when we grew up in the same town, attended the same school etc. but I do know that all of those years without him have given me a great appreciation for all that he is and all that he does. 

I am waking up to hazelnut coffee and a sore throat.  Everyone else is still asleep and I love my first hour or so of quiet time.  I pretty much always spend it here at Gaia. 

For some reason, I'm crazy about my husband on this R&R.  Well, I'm always crazy about him but it feels more intense right now.  I only have three more days with him until he has to go back to work and I'm intent on enjoying every second of it.  Maybe it was the little scare with his newly diagnosed health concerns making me love him extra hard.  I am always aware that I love him but the thought of losing him just brought it that much closer to the forefront of my conciousness.  You can't hold onto anything or anyone, that much I know.  You can appreciate every day, every minute, every nano-second you have with what is precious though. 

Then of course there is Jimmy.  This baby has brought so much love into our home.  Everyone dotes on him.  He does something new every day and it never fails to delight me.  His new thing is sucking in his bottom lip (a look I tell him isn't particularly good for him as he doesn't have any teeth yet and turns right into a little old man, but he's quite unconcerned with looks at this point) and then he sticks his tongue out, curls it up over his perfect little top lip, and makes a little "pop!" sucking sound.  He can amuse himself for quite some time this way and truth be told it can keep me pretty entertained too.  I had forgotten how every little thing about a baby can be so absorbing, right down to how their poop looks that day.  Yeah, he's got Grandma wrapped right around his tiny finger.

Our lovely Samme has suggested that we all make a blog for peace in Gaza. 

Cruelty, abuse, neglect of children.  How do I address it?  I stop it whenever possible, I step in and speak out, not worrying about being well liked or popular.  And I weep.

At my feet, the soft wooooshf of my dog's breath.  He is always close, my shadow, my body guard, my good boy, my Joey.

My mind has been so preoccupied for the last few days with thoughts of my step-son, Chris.  I was married to his father (Jim) for sixteen years and he spent time with us every summer (his Mom lived in Michigan, we were in Florida).  He was a great kid.  Cute.  Funny.  He was nine when he started visiting, Derek was just a baby the first time.  I enjoyed Chris so much.  I was a very young Mom, in fact, there were only 12 years separating us, and he was fun to have around.  I used to tease his Dad about Chris and I having less years between us than the two of us, as Jim was 14 years older than me.  Chris moved in with us for about six months when he was fourteen or fifteen but he ended up missing his Mom too much, which was just as well because I didn't have a clue as to how to handle a teenager (in hindsight, does anyone?)

 I slowly started to lose touch with Chris after his father and I divorced.  We talked very infrequently and after his Mom died of cancer he seemed to want even less to do with me.  I understood and stepped back, hoping he would come back around some day.  The last time I talked to him was when Jim died.  He was kind but made it quite clear that he had bitter feelings towards his father and didn't come to the memorial. 

Jim was an alcoholic and he wasn't a good father in many ways.  Chris felt abandoned.  He told me that he thought his Mom deserved to live longer than his Dad, not the other way around.  I felt sad that he hadn't been able to forgive his father before his death.  Sad for Jim and sad for Chris too.  It's hard to carry a bitter heart.

What started this path of thought was a youtube video!  My little Chris is all grown up (I did the math and he'll be 35 years old this year!  What the hey?  How did that happen?)  He's in a hair (80's) band . . . a rocker!  I saw pictures of him with Ted Nugent.  This is the straight A student who went to college, wanted to be a doctor.  Then he got his pro golf card.  Now he's a rocker?  WOW! 

I keep watching the videos, staring at him, absorbing him.  He's gorgeous.  He looks just like his Dad except much taller and he has dark hair instead of blond hair.  His face shape, his mouth, his eyes, even his eyebrows, are inherited from his father.  I see him take a swig of beer during a performance and shudder, afraid for him.  And so full of love. 

Rock on, Chris.  Your step-monster loves you!!!!  (that was his pet name for me)

I used to think that I would like to become enlightened (and who wouldn't?) but that isn't my primary goal anymore.  Fact is, I'm just too lazy to work at it.  I would have to be one of those people who just wake up enlightened and somehow I doubt that's going to happen!  So, for now, it's just to always be kind, not to forgive but to remember that there really isn't anything to forgive.  I also try to remember that everything I have is enough, maybe even more than enough.  And to enjoy every moment possible, to grab it, see it, cherish it.  To cry harder, laugh louder, love deeper.