Gaia Community: ayla's Blog

My two favorite babies

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:19:03 GMT

Mandi s Graduation 075

"Uncle" Jesse, my youngest, always & forever my "baby" and my first grandchild, Jimmy. Jimmy will be losing his baby of the family status in December as he has a little brother or sister cooking in his Mommy's oven.

How time does fly. We will be celebrating Jimmy's first birthday on the 16th of this month. It just doesn't seem possible. (and then there is Jesse logging in as an adult at 21 years old!!!) Jimmy seems to do or say something new daily. The last two months have been a time of incredibly speedy growth for him. He has started to eat solids, walks more every day, although if he's in a big hurry he crawls because he is a Mega-Man-Fast-Crawler (and it's so funny to watch because he gets going so fast by putting his right leg up front and pushing off with his foot, he looks like a frog), saying new words almost every day ....oh, my baby is becoming a true little person.

His favorite word is "Quack" and he makes us laugh constantly with it. He had a tummy ache one night and Jessica pushed on his tummy to see if she could help him with a gas bubble. He stopped crying immediately, looked at her and said "Quack!" What does the dog say Jimmy? "Quack" How are you today, Jimmy? "Quack" Are you hungry Jimmy? "Quack" Do you want a bottle Jimmy? "Quack! Quack!"

We call him a Quack Head.

Tags: family, love, baby

Where do you go for help?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Thu, 07 May 2009 16:38:34 GMT

First to my husband, then if that doesn't work to my knees. Maybe it should be the other way around but that's my knee-jerk reaction (yeah, I know, bad pun)

Tags: QaR, help, guidance, wisdom, support

What was the last thing you asked for?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sun, 03 May 2009 15:00:05 GMT

My husband to cook dinner for me. It was yummy.

Tags: QaR, asking, requests

What was the last thing you asked for?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sun, 03 May 2009 15:00:08 GMT

My husband to cook dinner for me. It was yummy.

Tags: QaR, asking, requests

What can you do right now to make a positive difference?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:25:24 GMT

Here is what I do at this moment ~ I love spring asparagus that grows along the roadside here in Idaho. I don't love the litter that lines that same roadside (you wouldn't believe the litter in rural Idaho, I've never seen anything like it in any other state that I have lived), so I take a bag for the asparagus and two garbage bags for the trash. Unfortunately, the garbage bags get full much faster than the goody bag.

Tags: QaR, life, positive, change, future

Sending Sandra to her Dream Writing Retreat

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 14:00:38 GMT

(also see quietlaughter's blog - she's a better writer than I!)

Do you know Sandra Jensen? She is the Cultivator and Head Queen Bee at a lovely Pod here on Gaia, Diving Deeper. Sandra shares her "freefall" process of writing with anyone who would like to learn ... day in, day out. She does it all selflessly, and of course, she doesn't get paid.

When I first saw this Pod, I was just floored. It seemed too good to be true. And, maybe for the first time in my life, something that seemed too good to be true wasn't! Imagine my surprise and delight. Anyone who has had any contact with Sandra Jensen knows her talent and also her generous heart. She is a writer that you will see published and possibly even famous someday. And yet, she continues to give to others because she believes in the process of freefall writing and wants to share her knowledge.

Sandra often gives us writing assignments gleened from a writer that she very much admires, Deena Metzger. Now, Sandra has a chance to go to a Writing Seminar held by this woman that she holds in esteem almost as much as I hold her in esteem. She put the idea out into the world so that it would be concrete and perhaps somehow happen.

I'd like to help make it happen. If I could send her the whole amount of money to go, I would. Unfortunately, I can't. But if we all send her a little bit, just a tiny pinch of what we have, she'll be able to go, I just know it! So now her dream has become my dream. She is probably cringing with embarrassment if she is reading this. She didn't ask for money, she would never! But let's give it anyway!

See her dream here.

Help her on her way here.

Thank you in advance!!!!!

Love To All, Ayla

Tags:

What are you unaware of?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 14:06:28 GMT

Tags: QaR, awareness, noticing, unconscious

What do you think you're supposed to learn in this lifetime?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:30:45 GMT

If I had to answer honestly (and what's the point of answering these questions of not to answer honestly?) I would have to say that at this point I still have no idea what-so-ever!

Tags: QaR, lessons, learning, life, living

Have you been thinking more of the past or the future?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 16:35:49 GMT

It's a mix! I'm going "home" next week so I keep thinking about that, about packing etc. but that leads me to thinking about my past~ past experiences on visits with parents & relatives, childhood memories ~ so basically I'm just bopping back and forth between past and future while trying to get some necessaries done in the present.

Tags: QaR, past, future, thinking, thoughts

What are your spiritual goals?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 15:07:35 GMT

I used to think that I would like to become enlightened (and who wouldn't?) but that isn't my primary goal anymore. Fact is, I'm just too lazy to work at it. I would have to be one of those people who just wake up enlightened and somehow I doubt that's going to happen! So, for now, it's just to always be kind, not to forgive but to remember that there really isn't anything to forgive. I also try to remember that everything I have is enough, maybe even more than enough. And to enjoy every moment possible, to grab it, see it, cherish it. To cry harder, laugh louder, love deeper.

Tags: QaR, spirituality, motivation, practice, goals

What was the last blessing in disguise you received?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 13:37:29 GMT

When my (ex) husband walked out on me. Thank you God! Thank you Universe! Thank you (ex) husband!!!

Tags: QaR, blessing, perspective, life, living

Gods Of Kansas

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:08:30 GMT

My mind has been so preoccupied for the last few days with thoughts of my step-son, Chris. I was married to his father (Jim) for sixteen years and he spent time with us every summer (his Mom lived in Michigan, we were in Florida). He was a great kid. Cute. Funny. He was nine when he started visiting, Derek was just a baby the first time. I enjoyed Chris so much. I was a very young Mom, in fact, there were only 12 years separating us, and he was fun to have around. I used to tease his Dad about Chris and I having less years between us than the two of us, as Jim was 14 years older than me. Chris moved in with us for about six months when he was fourteen or fifteen but he ended up missing his Mom too much, which was just as well because I didn't have a clue as to how to handle a teenager (in hindsight, does anyone?)

I slowly started to lose touch with Chris after his father and I divorced. We talked very infrequently and after his Mom died of cancer he seemed to want even less to do with me. I understood and stepped back, hoping he would come back around some day. The last time I talked to him was when Jim died. He was kind but made it quite clear that he had bitter feelings towards his father and didn't come to the memorial.

Jim was an alcoholic and he wasn't a good father in many ways. Chris felt abandoned. He told me that he thought his Mom deserved to live longer than his Dad, not the other way around. I felt sad that he hadn't been able to forgive his father before his death. Sad for Jim and sad for Chris too. It's hard to carry a bitter heart.

What started this path of thought was a youtube video! My little Chris is all grown up (I did the math and he'll be 35 years old this year! What the hey? How did that happen?) He's in a hair (80's) band . . . a rocker! I saw pictures of him with Ted Nugent. This is the straight A student who went to college, wanted to be a doctor. Then he got his pro golf card. Now he's a rocker? WOW!

I keep watching the videos, staring at him, absorbing him. He's gorgeous. He looks just like his Dad except much taller and he has dark hair instead of blond hair. His face shape, his mouth, his eyes, even his eyebrows, are inherited from his father. I see him take a swig of beer during a performance and shudder, afraid for him. And so full of love.

Rock on, Chris. Your step-monster loves you!!!! (that was his pet name for me)

Chris is the 4th man they show in the car, the guitar player with red pants & shoulder length dark hair on the right. The lead singer is his little brother Reo.

Gods of kansas- BIG GUN

Tags: gods of kansas, step children, longing, love

Pause for a moment. What do you notice?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 14:16:55 GMT

At my feet, the soft wooooshf of my dog's breath. He is always close, my shadow, my body guard, my good boy, my Joey.

Tags: QaR, presence, pausing, meditation, immediate, noticing, life

What do you have the hardest time accepting?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 13:37:42 GMT

Cruelty, abuse, neglect of children. How do I address it? I stop it whenever possible, I step in and speak out, not worrying about being well liked or popular. And I weep.

Tags: QaR, acceptance, self, trait, feature, love

Peace For Gaza

http://ayla.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Our lovely Samme has suggested that we all make a blog for peace in Gaza.

26 Things to Help Gaza

(warning: good ideas here but please be aware that you may encounter graphic pictures of violence and wounded children)

If we are to reach real peace in the world we shall have to begin with the children and not by passing fruitless, idealistic resolutions, but by going from love to love and peace to peace, until at last all the corners of the world are covered with that peace and love for which the whole world hungers.
- Mohandas K. Gandhi

Tell Me Why-Declan Galbraith

I find myself weeping everyday and pray with all of my heart and soul for this violence to come to an end, for a healing of all of our nations, for hatred to end. I just don't understand. May love prevail. SOON

(also see Martha's blog)

Tags: Gaza

Changing Colors

http://ayla.gaia.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 13:49:37 GMT

If you can do it leave me a comment and tell me what color the ball turns!

NEAT BALL THINGY

Tags: game, change, color

What is going right in your life right now?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:43:58 GMT

I am waking up to hazelnut coffee and a sore throat. Everyone else is still asleep and I love my first hour or so of quiet time. I pretty much always spend it here at Gaia.

For some reason, I'm crazy about my husband on this R&R. Well, I'm always crazy about him but it feels more intense right now. I only have three more days with him until he has to go back to work and I'm intent on enjoying every second of it. Maybe it was the little scare with his newly diagnosed health concerns making me love him extra hard. I am always aware that I love him but the thought of losing him just brought it that much closer to the forefront of my conciousness. You can't hold onto anything or anyone, that much I know. You can appreciate every day, every minute, every nano-second you have with what is precious though.

Then of course there is Jimmy. This baby has brought so much love into our home. Everyone dotes on him. He does something new every day and it never fails to delight me. His new thing is sucking in his bottom lip (a look I tell him isn't particularly good for him as he doesn't have any teeth yet and turns right into a little old man, but he's quite unconcerned with looks at this point) and then he sticks his tongue out, curls it up over his perfect little top lip, and makes a little "pop!" sucking sound. He can amuse himself for quite some time this way and truth be told it can keep me pretty entertained too. I had forgotten how every little thing about a baby can be so absorbing, right down to how their poop looks that day. Yeah, he's got Grandma wrapped right around his tiny finger.

Tags: QaR, rightness, messages, life, living

What would you like to celebrate?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 13:37:29 GMT

My husband Brad's Birthday - definitely a "big" event to celebrate. At six foot two, and 270 pounds, there is plenty of this teddy bear to love. He was born exactly six months to the day before I was and even in the same hospital. I'm not sure how it took me 40 years to find him when we grew up in the same town, attended the same school etc. but I do know that all of those years without him have given me a great appreciation for all that he is and all that he does.

Happy Birthday Darling!

Tags: QaR, celebration, celebrating, honor, appreciate

What do you have the hardest time giving?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 15:05:20 GMT

Youth. Not so much youth, in truth, I wouldn't want that back, but youthful appearance. Perhaps that means I have the hardest time giving up Vanity. Perhaps that wasn't the question though. That's not giving, is it?

Hmmmm.....my quiet time. I like my quiet, alone time and feel pissy when it's taken away.

Tags: QaR, giving, abundance, energy, time, money, trust

What was the last thing you learned how to do?

http://ayla.gaia.com — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 16:57:24 GMT

Does it count if I am still in the process of learning? My husband had what the doctors thought was a gallbladder attack last month but all of his tests came out fine. So I asked for a H-pylori blood test & a cholesterol screening just for good measure. Well, he tested positive to the H-pylori bacteria (good reason for pain in the gut!) but his cholesterol reading was the worst news. Turns out he has five risk factors for Metabolic Syndrome, six if you count smoking, and that adds up to a very high risk for heart disease. So, I have to learn how to cook healthy. I grew up in Michigan, meat & potatoes country (plenty of fried foods, fats, & a plethora of desserts!) and although I don't cook everything as unhealthy as my Grandmother & Mother did, I do tend to lean towards the less than healthy dietary choices.

That's going to change. So is my pantry.

Tags: QaR, ability, learning, lessons